What Was I Supposed To Do
by Lightwing7
Summary: A lot happened in the year Dean was in Purgatory, but Dean never got the whole truth of what exactly happened to Sam during his time of absence. Several weeks later, Sam is really feeling the shame and guilt, Dean is just locking away his emotions in his usual steel box unwilling to bring up the subject. And Sam has a certain Archangel's favor whose priorities have changed.
1. Chapter 1: Blood is Thicker than Water

**This is a story request from Red K 5 who wanted a mild OCD Sam and flashbacks of his year without Dean. Read on to find out exactly what that entails. Contains minor spoilers for seasons 7, 8. I will try to update this once every week or two weeks.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Anything from or related to Supernatural, and this fic is not for profit or gain.**

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Chapter 1: Blood is Thicker than Water

~SPN~

Dean and Cas were jettisoned into oblivion. No, they weren't. After a monster dies, they're sent to Purgatory. His brother was in purgatory. At least he had the angel with him— That fact made him ease up a little. Crowley had kidnapped Kevin once again, leaving with his usual staunchy demeanor and smug smirk as he knew exactly which of the hunter's buttons to push to cause the most damage mentally. Now, he was alone is Dick Roman's private lab.

The putrid stench of chemicals permeated the air adding to the discomfort which only grew as time pressed on. He was alone. Not even the taxing voice of a serpent was chittering away in his ear; which Sam knew was just a tactic of his to make the hunter feel even more lonely or depressed. But the knowledge of that, didn't still his mind any. Ironically, he could've used a voice, even that of the devil's to just solidify that he wasn't completely alone. In a somewhat disturbing way, he missed it.

What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't go back to the cabin, everything there reminded him of his brother. There wasn't another means of transportation except the bashed Impala outside; A painful reminder that he was alone again. Besides, it would need a good fixing up. That was beyond his level of strength at the moment. He wasn't in the mindset to fix things, he was in the mindset to examine things at the farthest perspective he could right now. That meant leaving, starting things anew until he could find a solution the problem.

Taking a reluctant glance to the bone covered in grey goo, Sam turned on his heels and left the lab.

Leviathan corpses littered the halls, making it difficult to pass through the many weaves of corridors and elevators. It looked like the demons did a thoughough job of exterminating the stragglers.

Not long after traipsing his way through the building, he arrived at the main door. He pushed the handle hard, expecting the door to swing open, but as he got a closer look, Sam saw an electrical diode on the side of the frame, emitting a buzz and flashing red, sealing it shut. Just great.

After the attack, the system must have shut down, preventing anyone from leaving without identification.

With an indignant huff, Sam spun around towards the computer station.

Inspecting the desk, he found a laser scanner embedded into it, along with a software program still running on one of the monitors. The device was seemingly meant for scanning company ID's, judging by the long list of Personnel names in an electronic note on a side document. Sam snatched an ID from one of the Levi bodies slumped in a chair and slide it through the scanner to be rewarded by a green light and an electronic click. This would have been so much easier if the demons had just busted through the glass doors, but with the ability to teleport there was sadly no use in that, which left the hunter the long way out.

Black eyes watched him like a hawk, roaming over him in interest as he surveyed the battered Chevy parked out front. The damage was minimal. The dark frame was fractured, bent in certain places; The windshield had a few micro cracks that compromised the integrity, but other than that it was fit to drive, even if he wasn't.

He started up the engine and drove. Just drove.

"Sam. Sam?"

The hunter startled at the blurry hand waved in front of his face and blinked his eyes several times to clear them. "Mrph... What?"

"You were daydreaming."

"No, I was just... thinking," replied Sam. About his betrayal. About his uselessness and selfishness when he needed to be on point for his brother.

"Dean smirked playfully at him. "It was about a girl wasn't it? Sheelah. You were daydreaming about Sheelah."

Sam shrugged. "No, I wasn't Dean! Not about girls not about Sheelah. It was more like a nightmare," Sam finished quietly.

"Ah, you were night-dreaming then. I see."

Without warning, Sam jumped up from the table and moved towards the door. "I gotta go."

"Dean snorted and rose up from the table, his tone changing to one of understanding. "Wait, Sam. No running off, alright? Let's talk about it."

His back to his brother, Sam replied. "There's nothing to talk about." Then stomped out the door. There really wasn't anything more he could say. He'd already confessed his guilt. Well, at least half anyway. The grim happenings on the other side of the story weren't meant to be told or heard by anyone. Besides, Dean would never look at him the same way again if he knew the terrible truth behind his mask of shame.

"What's with his problem," Dean muttered, peeking back the curtain just in time to see the Impala screech onto the main road, a dust cloud left in its wake. Cursing a string of whispered threats that referenced bodily harm if anything happened to his baby, Dean threw the fabric closed and slumped back into the kitchen. Maybe a cool off would do them both some good. Talkin' it out apparently wasn't going to happen. But there were still risks when a hunter stormed off alone without his partner. Of course he knew Sam wasn't stupid and would lay low somewhere warded, but he was still worried for his little brother all the same.

Little did Dean know that he wasn't alone when Sam left, but was being watched closely by something hiding between the veils of the invisible and visible.

The shaded cabin allowed the gold of his eyes to glimmer as they darted to the door, and then to sullen frown and sunken, broken expression of the human. He sensed an almost overpowering feeling of guilt and anger that radiated off the man in a red film. Human emotions were still very alien to him. Unlike his brother, he'd spent more time with the pagans than any inhabitants of earth. But these brothers seemed to be carrying a truckload of baggage, outweighing every human he'd ever seen. Or hunter for that matter.

And what was even more peculiar, was that he found himself helping them from time to time, as in now. But he had one weak spot for a Samsquatch. Not so much for his bow legged brother, but if Sam was willing to die for the mud monkey, maybe there was something he was overlooking?

Gabriel raised his hand, and snapped his fingers.


	2. Chapter 2: Imperceptible Findings

**Thank you to all who have reviewed, favorited, and followed this story ^_^ This chapter is longer, and the length will be increasing as the story progresses.**

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Chapter 2: Imperceptible Findings

~SPN~

"Sam?"

The hunter waited for his brother to acknowledge his presence, but after practically yelling his name in his ear, Sam was still unresponsive.

Defeated, Dean fell back into his seat and stared out the window at the passing trees. His brother was either ignoring him, or there was something wrong. The way he appeared in the front seat of the Impala right after feeling discombobulated and motion sick, was alluring to something powerful of the angel origin. But that was impossible, considering the cabin was warded against them. Wasn't it? As far as he knew, there were no jailbreaks for sigils.

"Sam," Dean began, hoping that his little brother was at least listening. "I didn't mean to diss your feelings back there. If something is really bothering you, we need to talk about it. You don't even have to look at me. Just talk to me. Alright? I need to-"

Sam made a sudden swift gesture to the glove compartment and pulled out his iPod.

The hunter folded his arms, glaring daggers at him. "What did I say about you douching up my car, Sam. Don't do it. Don't you do it, Sammy."

Dean groaned as his brother set up his iPod atop the dashboard and put on an annoying song from his playlist that exceeded his listening range of what he believed was good music.

For one hour he let it go on, until he couldn't take the sharp notes and squeaky fiddles ramming into each-other anymore.

"Sam, your so called music is really hurting my ears. Now enough is enough! Turn it off!"

Dean froze as his brother reached over to tap the screen, ending the torture to his eardrums. He stared at him incredulously. Considering he'd spent about an hour trying to get his brother's attention, made his sudden heedfulness that much more of a mystery. "So you can hear me? Well, that's just rude." He turned towards the window, pretending to pout, but when Sam didn't answer, Dean let out an indignant huff. So it was just a coincidence then. He wasn't really listening, after all. Dean turned toward him again.

"Look, all I want to do is help. You don't think i've had nightmares? I've been to hell, remember. That's as nightmarish as it comes. Turn the car around so we can get back to cabin, and i'll get us a few beers and we can weed through everything?"

Sam stayed as quiet as ever, only moving to turn the wheel minute degrees.

"Alright, we do this the hard way." Dean pointed and weaved his left foot around his brothers leg, before slammed it down on the floorboard.

"What the hell?" The hunter bent sideways to get a closer look and saw that the brake pedal had sliced through the bottom of his left shoe and came out the top side. Dean had learned all his automotive knowledge from Bobby and it wasn't possible for such a blunt object to puncture skin unless Superman threw him into it. But he was witnessing the impossible at that moment. There was a chance that the pain was numbed by pure shock, but the way it was sticking up through what he thought was his skin, was undoubtedly going to hurt bad going back out. Or just rip his foot in two, in the process. Still, he had to do something or he was going to spend the rest of his life merged with the Impala. He could call Cas later after he'd given up in releasing his foot.

Gripping both armrests in a vice-like grip; which was really the air, the hunter took a deep breath and braced himself before giving his leg a sharp yank upward.

Dean grunted in pain before rubbing his now swollen eye. Yeah, kneeing himself in the face wasn't in the plan, but at least his foot was...

"Alright. I'm either a ghost or i'm dreaming. Or dreaming i'm a ghost," he added, staring down at his arms which were nearly completely buried inside the leather seat. That would explain why Sam was so unresponsive to him. Obviously he wasn't dead, at least he hoped not, so it had to have been a dream. Now all he needed was to wake himself up.

 _'A good bang to the head should do the trick,' he thought to himself._

Balling up his hand into a fist, he swung it right into his forehead. Though instead of waking himself up, all he managed to do was impale his fist awkwardly in his head. "So a ghost. I get it." Dean pulled out his fist from his forehead and retrieved his other set of car keys from his pocket. Even though they weren't pure iron, they'd still make some kind of mark. He scrapped a single key along the skin of his palm.

Scalding pain trailed everywhere the iron touched, making his skin sizzle and burn from the contanct. That must have been what it felt like to the poor saps he'd hit with it. "...Yep, definitely a ghost," he wheezed, teeth clenched tightly as he put the keys back in his jean pocket.

The car unexpectedly came to a halt by a brown painted house. What are we doing here, Sam? Dean roved his vision over the quaint little home. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something off about the place. Not just because the windows were all barred, though that was also odd. Just a certain feeling of dread.

Dean had a split second of debating before his brotherly instincts had him following out the door after his little brother. Even if it was some kind of dream, he was sure nothing could happen to him in his ghostly state. He was going to protect Sam, even if it was just a construct of his brother.

Dean stood by the door, waiting an exasperatingly long time for his little brother to work up the nerve to knock, before an idea came to him. He might as well be the probe. Placing his hands till they were almost touching the wood, Dean pushed himself through the door.

Dean stared down at his body re-assimilating itself and smiled satisfactorily at the ceiling. "This is way cool," he exclaimed, smiling cheekily.

An unsettling energy wafted towards him, along with a dark haired woman with shifty eyes. Dean couldn't pinpoint what else turned him off about her, but their was a strong feeling tugging at his gut that she had only bad intentions for his brother. But not being tangible was the disadvantage for the moment, so he he had no choice but to watch things play out, instead of dragging his brother out of there.

"Sam, what an unexpected surprise," she smiled friendly, which reached her eyes.

The younger hunter paused, carefully contemplating his next words. "I know this is sudden, but i've been doing some thinking, and-"

She ushered him inside, before he could say anything more. "Come in, Sam. You don't need to speak to me outside."

Sam nodded and stepped inside, sitting down on one of the chairs at the table. "It's just that...my old life is over. I mean, Dean's gone, Cas is gone. All of my family is gone. Now I want to start a new one with you, leave behind everything else. But before you say it's too sudden, we would just be living together for a while, nothing too fast. I just... I want to begin anew with you, Amelia."

Dean startled as loud excited barking zeroed in on them, followed by a golden bundle of fur bounding into the kitchen, toppling Sam to the floor as he licked his face with his long slobbery tongue. That must have been the dog his brother hit with the Impala a year ago.

"Hrro... Herru... Hero", Sam finally said correctly, his mouth was now able form a complete word without fearing dog saliva. "I missed you too, buddy," he continued after the dog had relented from his position on his chest.

Amelia laughed, thoughtfully approaching them. "If a family is what you want, then I would be happy to live with you. But before this goes any further, I need you to reassure me that what you truly want is to be with me. Not just because i'm your only substitute for a family right now."

Dean glared angrily at his brother. What? Sam wasn't just gonna run off with some chick and forget the family business. Was he? It wasn't that dire of an argument.

Sam took a respite from rubbing the happy dogs underbelly, ignoring the abandonment whimpers as he walked over to the woman.

"You are my light in a dark world. The only thing that makes sense in my screwed up life and I would be lost without you. I truly love you, Amelia. Not because you're there, but because you're here. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"No! You can't just run away and hide somewhere, Sam. Once a hunter always a hunter remember that? Danger will find you wherever you go. Do want her to end up like Jessica?" Dean tried fisting up his brothers shirt and shaking some sense into him, but his hands went right through his body and he fell to the floor from the forward momentum.

Picking himself off the floor with a groan, he walked back over to them, but quickly covered his eyes.

"Sammy, at least wait until I leave!" Dean complained as things were getting more touchy than what an older brother should see his younger brother doing. He swiftly left through the way he came in.

The sun was lying very low in the sky, painting it with the bleeding colors of a sunset, and darkening the shadows that were starting to fall upon the neighborhood. He was officially stuck here. How long, was unforeseeable at the moment. But the dickbag that trapped him there was gonna have a lot to answer for, if and when he showed his face at all.


End file.
